


The Wedding Documents

by Scandiaca



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, Wedding Planning, Weddings, everybody becomes involved, everybody has opinions, well kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 20:47:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4639650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scandiaca/pseuds/Scandiaca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The following accounts are protected under the Official Secrets Act as acknowledged by Hong Kong, India, Ireland, Malaysia, and the United Kingdom, as well as any other country, state or entity that does not wish to piss of Mycroft O. for Omnipotent [Shut up, Sherlock] Holmes. This is the only copy of the accounts without obfuscated names or passages. Reading this material requires security level "W".</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wedding Documents

_The following accounts are protected under the Official Secrets Act as acknowledged by Hong Kong, India, Ireland, Malaysia, and the United Kingdom, as well as any other country, state or entity that does not wish to piss of Mycroft O. ~~for Omnipotent~~ [Shut up, Sherlock] Holmes. This is the only copy of the accounts without obfuscated names or passages. Reading this material requires a security level nobody holds for long._

  
_After the successful engagement of Mycroft O. ~~for Ostentatious~~ [Stop it, Sherlock] and Gregory [It's actually Greg. Love? Please tell me you didn't change my birth certificate as well?]  E. Lestrade, preparations for a successful matrimonial ceremony were started. The planning committee was headed by Anthea, Sally Donovan, Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. Their first order of business entailed the selection of groomsmen. A civilised discussion commenced as follows:_

"Just so you know, we are not saying groomsmen or best man. I am serious. I am no man, and I will throw the boss one hell of a bachelor party. Glittery strippers, cold lagers and everything."  
"Mr. Holmes has strongly objected to any risqué behaviour before or at the ceremony."  
"Mr. Holmes can object all he likes. The boss gets a proper send off. And I am gonna make sure he doesn't forget his shoes on the big day. So there. That's sorted."  
"Sergeant, I find it hard to believe the right candidate for a grooms... person would be unable to call the groom by his first name."  
"Says the guy who pretends he doesn't know it!"  
"Sherlock is kinda right. Have you ever called him Greg? Isn't that weird? Him being your... supervisor and all?"  
"No. End of discussion. So, is the freak gonna be the groomsperson for his brother?"  
"Sherlock, can you stop pretending you want to strangle yourself with a piece of paper? It is very impressive, but..."  
"Mr. Holmes the younger will not need to fear. The position of groomsperson has been filled."  
"Among the choir of angels praising my release from sheer endless boredom, I have to question your career aspirations. I cannot imagine your future job progression if you select a groomsperson who will bore my brother. Or even worse, make him walk."  
"What he means to say, is: They are brothers. Of course Sherlock is his groomsperson."  
"The position has been filled."  
"..."  
"Oh no. It's Her, isn't it? Of course, good old Liz~"  
"The position has been filled."  
"Wait.. Liz, as in... Her..."  
"Did you just mime a crown?"  
"Yes I did. But seriously, I know she is... but that's Mycroft's wedding. Sherlock should be the groomsperson."  
"Believe me, John. My brother will be delighted to have his obnoxious power complex affirmed by Her's truly."  
"Shut up, freak. Of course you are gonna be the the groomsperson. Anthea,  her majesty can do what she wants. But she is not gonna be the groomsperson. She can throw flowers or something. Or threaten the freak with knighthood. Understood?"  
"I will inform the relevant parties of the decision."  
  
 _Multiple potential locations for the ceremony were proposed and scouted, but quickly dismissed. Westminster Abbey was deemed [Quote] “Fucking hell Mycroft! No. We'll not get married in Westminster Abbey. I don’t care if the Dean owes you for that thing in 2011” Detective Inspector Gregory E. Lestrade [Is anybody listening to me? My mother named me Greg!] proposed a small outdoor ceremony in his family’s home outside of Le Puy. This option was discarded. Certain members of the wedding party [Sherlock Holmes] were currently not allowed into France, and other members [Mycroft O. ~~for Obsolete~~ Holmes] thought this was for the best. The location was finally decided in an agreement between both grooms._  
  
“What are your opinions on Scottish Highland Ponies?”  
“... They are fine? What’s this about, love?”  
“An old… friend offered us Balmoral Castle for the ceremony. It'd be convenient for a secluded honeymoon as well.”  
“You mean a honeymoon away from the beach, with high potential for rain? I think you just want to keep me tucked away in a small cottage. Sneaky Holmes, I am onto you. But the castle sounds nice.”  
"Gregory, are you sure?"  
"Your friend offered us a castle in the Cairngorms. I like the mountains. And it would be nice to have everybody up North and ... . You know my last wedding at the registry office. I think we can do it properly this time."  
"You saw the Antiques Roadshow has been filmed there."  
"I may have. It's still a nice place. And it will be easier to get security clearance for your side of the guest list. Up there, in the middle of nowhere. Where some people already visit regularly. To check up on their ponies."  
"I have told you repeatedly, her Majesty did not request to be my best man. Anthea simply wanted to ensure Sherlock would..."  
"Don't do this, love. You have to lie to me a lot. Try to avoid it, when you can."  
"..."  
"..."  
"I wanted to give my brother the option to... gracefully decline. But I am grateful he will be standing by my side."  
"There, that wasn't too painful, was it?"  
"And her majesty will most likely be content with a short speech."  
"... I thought that was a joke. ... She isn’t really coming, is she?"  
"..."  
"Oh god, the queen is coming to my bloody wedding."  
"Most certainly."  
"I was planning on wearing a rented tux!"  
"Gregory!"  
"Did you just growl at me?"  
"You were blaspheming."  
"We're gonna table the discussion here. Bedroom. Right now."

  
_For reasons unknown to the authors of this paper, and most of the wedding party, Sherlock Holmes headed the wedding cake and dessert creation._   
  
“Sherlock? What’s all this stuff?”  
“This is a kitchen aid we will take up to Scotland. These are piping bags. And everything else is … decoration.”  
“Why don’t you let somebody else make the cake? We are only gonna go up two days previous to the wedding. This is going to be a huge mess.”  
“I will make the cake. And I will live-assemble it during the ceremony.”  
“Why the hell would you want to do that?”  
“...”  
“What was that?”  
“The cake will not fit through the door when it’s assembled.”  
“How fucking high do you want to stack that cake?”  
“The cake will have five tiers.”  
“That doesn’t sound too bad. I am sure we can get that through the door.”  
“...”  
“What was that?”  
“And then three tiers of 80 cupcakes in total.”  
“Mother fucking Holmes, big headed. unbelievably over-fucking compensating…”  
“...”  
“Ok, ok. Sorry. That was… Come on, don’t look at me like I insulted your website… again. Why do you need to make a whole wedding cake and assemble it during the ceremony?”  
“I told you, it doesn’t fit~”  
“Sherlock!”  
“Mother said they baked 80 cakes for her wedding to feed the entire wedding party. Massive wheels of famer cakes. She… she would be disappointed with the fondant monsters currently in favour with most bakers.”  
“...”  
“Why are you looking at me like that?”  
“Sherlock Holmes, you want to save your brother. From your mother’s complaining on his wedding day. By producing a hand-made wedding cake.”  
“There is no need to insult me, John!”  
“No, I got you figured out, Mr. 80 Cupcakes and counting. Go on then,, teach me how to do those fiddly small things. I've sewn people together with even stitching. Chances are, I can pipe a few dozen cupcakes.”  
“... Thank you, John.”  
"Just remember, not everybody shares your obsession with honey."  
"John~!"  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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